Friday, December 11, 2015

Life Lesson: I'm Not Good At Being A Female Friend


Dear Friends,

  Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've come to realize that I have no female friends. I mean I have some female friends, but there more like distant relatives, that only talk on holidays. It wasn't always like this, who am I kidding, I could never find a good enough female friend to stick around, either they were busy with their families -- mind you, I'm only 21-- or they live too far away, or I just get tired of the relationship and here's why.

    I think my disconnect for females started in first grade, when I had this so called friend -- she wasn't even a friend, she was just someone who just kept popping up. Anyways, this girl, she just had it out for me for no reason.
I remember there was this one time when we had twin day, where we were able to dress up in the same clothes as your friend. I was so happy because we had to wear a uniform so of course I was game, for some reason I couldn't remember what day this event was taking place. So this girl volunteered the information and said, "It's Wednesday, this Wednesday," knowing damn well it was Friday. You know what happened next, I came into school wearing, my twin day outfit and her friends started to laugh at me! "Well, at least I look fly instead of wearing those ugly uniforms," I said quickly. Her friends stopped laughing so quick, plus I got to dress down twice, which is a major plus!

    My second incident,  was in sixth grade when I had this "best friend". One day I was talking to a girl at school and she told me that my so called, "best friend," was throwing a sleep over party and that she was invited. With hurt feelings, I call that bitch -- excuse my language but still -- after school, "I heard you were having a sleep over party," I didn't even say hello. "Oh! Yeah, it's tomorrow night. I would've invited you but I already have four girls coming anyways. Sorry!" What the hell does that mean? You invited other girls already and you didn't even think to invite your best friend? Too bad she's doing horrible for herself now, or at least I'd like to think so.

    I had some impressible friends along the way but that never seem to stay around because we out grow each other. Which I understand but, it just hurt sometimes -- especially when I have gossip, is the best time or when I just want someone to hang out with. When I was younger I use to dream that, my female friends or friend and I would go out for brunch and mimosa's while outside on a hot day and talk about our amazing jobs and stuff -- it doesn't help that I use to watch chick flicks a lot which made my imagination even more crazier. Is it bad that I want a good female friend to go to? Like the time that I totally had a temper tantrum about my hair not cooperating and my boyfriend just looked at me like, "Relax, its just hair". I guess you can say that my boyfriends kind of stepped up as that role, he listens to me when I gossip and when I need to vent about my hair, so I guess its not all bad because at least I have him and my mother.

    Besides, since I've been so out of touch with my feminine side I forgot how to be a good female friend myself. In the book I'm reading, Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay, she has a part in her book that says, I'll try to quote word for word,  "Girls that say they have more male friends than females shouldn't be proud. Saying that your more manly is not a good thing, they're decent females out there that won't back stab you or try to take your man. Maybe its you, maybe you're the one who isn't being a good female friend". This quote made me realize, sometimes I am a crappy friend. When someone does something that I don't like, I talk shit about them, don't expect to say some hoe shit and not hear something out of my mouth. Not saying that I'm better than anyone, but that's just how I am, I'm unwillingly judgmental. I'm trying to change this about myself but I want my friends to respect themselves like I do, and if it's not that than all my friends have kids. I love kids, but when it's time to hang out and you can't find a babysitter, it puts a damper on things. If its not one thing then its another, so I've stopped trying. Just like a relationship, I'll let it come to me lol. I guess I just have to except that people change and sometimes that girl you use to call your sister, can become a stranger. What do you think about this post? Am I overacting or have you experienced something close to my experiences? Comment below and tell me what you think, until next time ❤

With Love & Sweetness,

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